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It’s all about the recaps. It’s a show made of recaps from previous shows. I purposefully skipped the first 40 minutes. These guys are all a bunch of idiots. They are turning on one another. Wes has not shown up, because he will probably come in at the very end for some kind of surprise. They are all trying to humiliate Jake because he is too perfect and too sweet (however, he just referred to himself in the third person; kind of irritating). I don’t remember any of these guys, to be honest. Who are these women in the audience? Oh, okay time for a short break because the show has been on now for three minutes. You know what, I’m going to go ahead and time the difference between the commercials and the actual airtime of the show.

>Show returns at: 8:47 p.m. Don’t forget the 20 minutes of clapping in between the scenes. I can’t tell you how much hair mousse has been used in the making of this show. Dave is the crazy dude who has decided to grow a beard for the recap Juan is being attacked and he defends himself by saying that he doesn’t consider being belligerent and rude to Gillian breaking man code. The dudes don’t like how Juan pretended to take a shot but really didn’t drink it. Chris says, Why does Juan have to explain why he didn’t want to drink? The guys are saying that Juan didn’t fit in because he wasn’t in a fraternity like the rest of the dudes. “Man code” has been said more than 50 times in the last 3 minutes. Chris asks if there might be a fine line between man code and being a nice guy and helping Jolene know what’s going on when it would be in her best interest to know something? Jake says, Why waste all this energy on all this alpha male banter, where’s Jillian in all this? Unspontaneous applause from the audience.

>Next commercial series: 8:56. So, okay, 8 minutes of programming for every four minutes of commercials. If I could do math, I would tell you how much of the total time then is actually spent on product placement. So wait, 120 minutes divided by four = 30 minutes of commercials or one quarter of the program. I think my mother be right. This show is ridiculous. How expensive can it be to even produce it that would require them to play this many ads?

>Show returns at: 9:00 p.m. Right on schedule! How can they possibly stretch this show out for the next hour? This sucks. David the asshole with the man code is going to be put in the hot seat next to Chris. I wonder how much testosterone he has swirling through his system? Way too much. I don’t think he even has a neck. Recap: G/J thinks that David is a little too raw. I think it’s that he’s a little too drunk. And inappropriate and rude, saying things like, You have a great ass, you know that, right? He asks the gals, “Wait, you girls in the audience don’t like it if some guy comes up to you and says, ‘You have a great ass?’” They ladies respond, NOOOOO. Chris asks him if maybe he’s a misogynistic pig. He says that maybe he shouldn’t have talked to her about her ass. Applause sign goes on for the women to clap for Juan for saying that he would never act like Dave.

Show returns: 9:11. The commercials are now outpacing the show. Jake is now in the hot seat to explain his perfection. Chris says that J. was one of the early favorites. Recap of Jake and J.’s interactions. He is a cheesy guy. He brings her wings from his airplane as a gift. Jake kisses her in mid-sentence, is that for real? J. also says that Jake is too perfect. I don’t get it. Maybe she sees him as being too nice? Maybe he loves Jesus? Oh, yeah, I forgot that he’s the one who comes back to tell her that Wes is a liar. Maybe she should take him back? He cries after telling her that Wes is liar. This is him breaking man code, according to Dave, the Cro-Magnon.

I missed a big chunk of the show and commercials because of a very important phone call.They have just brought Gilly back out to face the guys. She is telling Dave that she thought he was being a dick. He apologizes and then, in the voice of a robot, he says, I-truly-am-sorry-for-what-I-did-to-you, beep. Chris says it seems like you let Jake go and that was hard. Jake is upset that J. didn’t go with him on his hometown date. Wes is brought up and he is being booed. Chris asks her what she thinks of him, if she wishes she had kicked him to the curb. She says she feels like she made the right decision. Fake, tepid applause. Any questions from the guy? Michael, who is tiny, doesn’t have a question, but he just wants to say that he is grateful for the experience. J says the feeling is mutual, though I’m not sure what she’s feeling mutual about. Juan says that he does find her feet to be hot. Bachelorette bloopers. That’s funny. Wish the whole show was like that. Michael just farted and then said that it followed. Ed farted at the rose ceremony. This whole blooper clip is about gas. Jilly says that she is extremely happy, which may mean nothing. I am going to stop watching now, even though there are still 12 minutes left in the show (or five, if you count the commercials).