Paree

Oh, okay, a little late in the game, but we're in a motorboat on the Seine, passing what appears to be the New York Public Library. It's a one-on-one date with Lauren. They have nothing to talk about as they pass cheese. She's holding a copy of Colette in her hand. She could ask him some questions. They pass many French people and tourists sitting on benches. Arie worries that Lauren is not into him. That would be great. She is super beautiful. He's wearing a denim shirt as if he is going to a rodeo.

Night falls. Back at the house. The women are wrapped in
white blankets and living in something that looks like an underwater aquarium. I just saw a manatee swim by the giant windows.  Back in the nightlife, Arie takes Lauren to a brassiere. In French, that's a bra fitting place. She has perfect dental work and lashes like the woman in that movie about exotic dancers. Showgirls! Arie gives a serious talk about a partner who had a miscarriage and then moved out. He has tears in his eyes or in at least one eye. Lauren explains that her view of men has been warped by her parents were together for a long time. She was previously engaged, but the guy turned uncool. I wish he would spill his champagne when he reaches for the rose. No, nothing untoward can happen.

Group date at the Moulin Rouge and Bekah K. is the darlingest. They are dressed in costumes that make them look like glamorous, feathered covered birds with diamonds and their asses hanging out. Tia is uncomfortable. Who wouldn't be? They are wearing ten pounds of diamonds and ostrich asses on their heads. Aside: Dan loves this part of the show because he loves the costumes. And the historical aspects of the era, he hastens to add. He takes Tia aside first so they can go make out on a blue velvet chaise lounge. He runs his fingers over her bare legs. I wonder if guys are fooled by the fake eyelashes. Or if the producers force the women to wear them? They are insane. He gives Bekah some long slow kisses, and she contemplates it later while chewing gum. He always does the hand thing when he kisses them. It's slow and romantic as he works his tongue into the mouth. The date night rose will go to...Bekah M. As Chelsea noted, she's way different. That means she will have to dance in the show. They put her in a blonde wig and she couldn't be cuter. This is just like when she was in Noises Off. I like her. But she's so young, you know?

The two on one date will be Krystal with her breathy voice and Kendall, the taxidermist. They really play up Krystal as the bad guy, particularly by having her wear overalls with a tank top. If he keeps her, we know the whole thing is rigged for ratings. But we already know that. Arie shows up in a denim shirt, part 2. They are going to walk around an incredible chateau. Arie pretends like this will help him get to know the women better instead of a totally phony set up. He leads them into a tall maze like in The Shining. He disappears and goes to have a drink somewhere else. Are people wearing watches now? All the women seem to have big chunky watches on.

People need to stop saying, "at the end of the day..." Arie talks to Krystal one on one and he feels like she was sincerely sincere. He likes the taste of her cherry lip gloss. Why does everything she says have to go up at the end? Perhaps she is a normal person, but probably not. Now he has one on one time with Kendall and she seems somewhat robotic. She talks about how she could possibly be in love if she meets the right person if that person brings it out in her. She looks like she could be on the cover of a romance novel. Kendall feels like Krystal is super competitive. Kendall tries to be compassionate with Krystal by acknowledging her pain and tries to be real. I promise you that if he sends Kendall home, I am not going to watch this anymore. I mean it.

Tense dinner with Krystal and Kendall. Krystal believes in destiny. The producers also believe in destiny because Krystal is better television. They draw out the suspense by allowing Arie to ramble on. He gives the rose to...Kendall who won't make it much longer. The Eiffel Tower glows like his penis between the two of them. Krystal is floored. Back at the aquarium, the women see Krystal's suitcase taken away and pop champagne in celebration.

One on one date with Billy Joel's daughter. She is also super cute and her boob will pop out in like fifteen seconds. He takes her fake shopping. She will look good in anything. He likes that she is funny and goofy and yet is also a super intelligent woman. He buys her a dress like in Pretty Woman. She must walk in high heels down cobblestoned streets. Inhumane. They're drinking whiskey and making out. She says she's worried she's an experiment rather than someone he's into. He says that he was afraid that she's too smart for him. She gives him double side-eye. She wants to get her PhD and he feels worried about that. He doesn't want to hold her back. He gives her a rose. He doesn't see her goals as a hindrance. Refreshing.

It is now time for the final rose ceremony where the black woman will be sent home. I am running out of rose ceremony photographs to represent this moment.

I am not even sure who is left. I am pretty sure the other Becca will stay even though he is wearing a pantsuit. The ceremony is taking place in a museum for cast-off carnival items. Abandoned carousel horses and the like.

First rose goes to Tia whose eyes light up.
Second rose goes to Sienne. I am glad I was wrong.
Final rose goes to........I'm guessing Becca K. which means the mom will go home. Yes, the mm will go home. That's too bad. Plus the other woman who looks very stern and blond. Jenna. What's with the stupid hand tattoos? They all have them. Many tears and a tiny wave goodbye. Chelsea is disappointed because she felt connect to Arie. Long hug goodbye. Someone fix her mascara.

Next week: Tuscany. These are a lot of incredible women. Bekah cries. They all cry, including him. Or it might be sweat.

Outtake: An older woman/little person playing a guitar and singing in French while Lauren and Arie dance by a streetlight. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.