Thoroughly Modern Mary

Last week, if you will recall, we learned that Mary has taken a room at a very fancy hotel in order to shag with her would be lover. We open up with the two of them in bed together, she wearing a very lovely white slip of a nightgown that I envy, he watching her in a way that could be stalker-ish. Will he turn out to be a cad? He says, "Have you ever considered breast implants, my darling?" Dan said that.

Cut to a scene with Edie and the Crawley's having breakfast in front of a giant painting. Next, Barrows interrupts Mr. Carson to use the telly-phone to place an ad-vert-is-ment (pronounced exactly like that).

Mary is giving no clue as to whether or not she enjoyed her time with Todd or Tad or Tony (can't recall his name). Did he make her nether regions go a-quiver? We have no clue. He kisses her politely on the street outside of the hotel by their good bye is espied by a fat man I don't recognize

The Irish interloped is having tea with the plain schoolteacher. That dead sister is rolling in her grave. Can this woman ever be seen without a hat on and a horrid one at that?

Too many scenes to keep track of. Carson is talking to a cop and that's probably important. Back to Mrs. Simpering Crawley and the farm in the parlor. Someone wants to buy and build on Pip's Corner. Mr. Crawley shakes his newspaper, not approvingly. Edie is sad at all the little toddlers toddling around because her own little bastard child is being raised by a bunch of poor people.

The butler reveals that he saw Lady Mary coming out of the hotel with Lord Gilliam in Liverpool. Maggie Smith pretends she already knew this fact, because she too is a fairly modern person and will not blame Mary for trying out the merchandise prior to purchase.

Back in the parlor where everyone wears silk dresses and tuxedos just to hang out. Downstairs, the staff dresses all in black and are served Shepherd Pie's. Someone says "Bring in the spotted dick," and no one laughs, because it's a dish of the olden days or current days of Great Britain. I do not know because I have only been to Manchester for like two nights.

Lady Mary asks Anna the chambermaid to hide her contraception for her, which sets her up to be caught with it by her murderous husband. What is it? Is it a lambskin condom that's recyclable? A cervical cap?

Mr. Bates is on the hook for the murder of the rapist. I haven't been listening closely and so I'm not sure what the hell is going on with this subplot. Maggie and Mary talk about Mary's indiscretion. Maggie says that she must have been seduced and Mary shoots back that she wasn't and she went on her own volition. Maggie finds it hard to believe because the daughter of an earl does not slut around.The police want to know every move Mr. Bates made on the day that rapist was murdered, including if he really posted a letter or not.

Is this guy coming on to Lady Crawley? Or is he her new gay best friend? It's hard to tell with British guys sometimes, they are so dapper.

That's enough for now...Time for cocoa.